I’m an Alraune, a plant monster girl packed full of onions.
And those writhing over there are knights who clearly aren’t used to cooking.


They all cut my vines, so they’ve been hit by the lachrymal agents from the onions.

With streams of fluid pouring from their eyes and noses, the knights rolled around in agony.


If they’re crying that much, they must really love onions. So of course, I’ll give them seconds.

I grew fresh onions at the tips of my vines.
And then I gently stuffed them into the knights’ mouths.

The knights let out voiceless screams.
But perhaps their stomachs were full, because they fell asleep right away.


I wonder if the taste of those onions mixed with sleeping powder suited their palate.
Compared to trying to kill me, this is a pretty light punishment, isn’t it?



Now then, the knights and adventurers who used fire magic, and the ones who cut my vines, are all down.

All that’s left is the hot-blooded knight commander.

I suppose I should at least offer him one last chance.


“Will you… surrender?”

“The proud knights of Tower City will never bow to a monster!”

“But aren’t… your men are all asleep… after eating onions?”

“That’s all your doing! If you’re a monster, then you’re evil! Death is your only fate!!”


The knight commander began chanting.


“Earth War Bull—Erdkavallerist”


A massive earthen bull formed.
Mounting the bull with its two huge horns, the knight commander charged straight at me.


But even if it looks terrifying to a human, to me, it’s about as threatening as a calf.

Compared to the bull-type monsters I fought countless times in the forest I used to live in, the only impression this one leaves is that it’s cute.

Still, since you’ve come all this way, allow me to welcome you.


Good day, Commander.

I’d like to invite you to a dinner party.

With my squirting cucumber machine gun, I fired a single seed into the earthen bull.
Using the bull as a seedbed, a sprout burst forth from where the seed struck.


Consider planting that sundew seed my invitation.
If it’s made of soil to begin with, I can grow as many plants from it as I like, right?

In an instant, a rapidly growing giant sundew bloomed and swallowed up the earthen bull whole.


“What is this!?”


The sundew managed to catch the knight commander.

Sticky, slimy tendrils crawled around his armor, binding him tightly.
At this rate, I’ll just force it off and strip him down bare.


Let’s get the knight commander changed into something a little more casual, just his underclothes, and prepare for dinner.
You see, this is my private dinner party.
So there’s no need for armor.


And since this is my event, I’ll be showing off my culinary and cooking skills too.


I generated a pile of onions right in front of the knight commander’s face.
Since I’ve gone to the trouble, let me show you the cooking up close.
Taking a sword I borrowed from one of the knights, I began slicing the onions.


Ah, Commander, you must really love onions if you’re crying that much.

My apologies for not noticing sooner.
If you’re that eager to eat, I suppose I shouldn’t keep you waiting.

Then, though it’s a little early, please enjoy your meal.

I stuffed a large amount of onion into the knight commander’s mouth.
Tears spilled from his eyes like a stream.
It seems being able to eat his favorite food has deeply moved him.

The delighted knight commander struggled at first, but soon grew quiet.
I’m glad he was so moved by the taste of onions that he fainted.


Now then, after the meal, it’s time for flower arrangement¹.
I’ll hang the mucus-and-tear-covered knight commander from a nearby tree.


Please take a look.
I’ve completed a flower arrangement featuring a tearful, slimy knight commander!

I do have some knowledge of flower arrangement, you see.

With onion flowers blossoming from his mouth, the knight commander has become a splendid vase.


After hearing the knight commander’s words, I seemed to have gotten agitated, perhaps from the shock.
So I tried to express those irritated feelings through flowers.

The knight commander, with an onion in his mouth and tears in his eyes, somehow looks happy.
Please remain just as you are, and continue to bloom in the forest as a lovely flower arrangement.



“I must say… I’m impressed.”


From among the few humans still standing, a gentleman in blue armor stepped forward.
Clapping lightly, he approached me without a hint of caution.

His armor had a different style from the knight commander’s, but he was clearly well-equipped.


“I am Holger of the Dragonwater Crystals. A beautiful adventurer and dragon slayer.”


This sharp-eyed, blue-haired human seems to be an adventurer.

When he calls himself beautiful, does he mean his face, not his armor?
Admittedly, he is fairly handsome.
That said, now that I’m a flower and not a human, his looks don’t really do it for me.
Besides, my type is someone more like the Hero… ahem.

This blue-haired adventurer called himself a dragon killer, and judging by his equipment, he might belong to a very powerful adventurer team.


…Hmm? Dragonwater Crystals?


Come to think of it, one of the adventurers I defeated before said that in this town, the only ones who could possibly stand a chance against me were the Dragonwater Crystals.

In that case, could this man be the strongest adventurer in Tower City?


Adventurers are experts in hunting monsters.
From a monster’s perspective, they’re a far more troublesome foe than the town’s knight commander.


“I seek not only beauty, but strength as well. One day, I will become the strongest man in this kingdom. Defeating you should make for a fine stepping stone towards that goal.”


I felt a sticky gaze, like that of a predator sizing up its prey.
So this adventurer is the type who believes monsters should be killed without question.


Not only that, but he wants to become the strongest man in the kingdom.

At present, the strongest man in the kingdom is probably the Hero, my former fiancé.

In that case, allow me, someone who knows the Hero well, to measure your strength.
If you intend to become the strongest man in the kingdom, then you should at least be able to easily defeat the former saint who was abandoned by the Hero.



As I took a fighting stance, the blue-haired adventurer raised one hand.


In response, three adventurers stepped forward.
These must be the other members of the Dragonwater Crystals.


“Same as usual.”


At the blue-haired adventurer’s signal, his allies each began casting spells.


“Blessing of the Gale—Windschutz.”
A wind support spell that grants swift, piercing movement like the wind, increasing agility.


“Blessing of the Earthwyrm—Bodenschutz.”
An earth support spell that makes skin as hard as the earth itself, increasing defense.


“Blessing of the Inferno—Vulkanschutz.”
A fire support spell that gives the pulsing power of fire, increasing strength and attack power.


All of those support spells seem to be the kind that must be continuously maintained through chanting. But in exchange, their effects are outstanding!

It looks like the Dragonwater Crystal operates with each member continuously casting support magic, while the blue-haired adventurer, their leader, fights alone.


“With this sacred spear—said to be forged from the fangs of a water dragon—and this armor—born from its scales—and the power of three layers of blessings, there is no monster I cannot defeat!”


The leader of the Dragonwater Crystals declared this with absolute confidence.

Well then, allow me to verify that claim.



I fired the squirting cucumber machine gun.

Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop!


My seeds flew towards the blue-haired adventurer.
But just before they struck, they were swallowed by something like a rippling surface of water.


──Sploosh-plop-plop.


A mass of water suddenly appeared in midair, absorbing the impact.

Before I knew it, the blue-haired adventurer was clad in an armor of water.
The water, like a wall of living flesh, seemed to have sucked in the seeds.


“Water Dragon-Possessed Armor—Wasserwurmharnisch. A water spell that cloaks the body in armor formed of water, combining both offense and defense.”


It seems the rumor that he’s the strongest adventurer in Tower City wasn’t an exaggeration.

His unique water dragon spear and armor appeared to be amplifying his water magic many times over.
Water poured endlessly from his armor like a fontaine, swelling into a larger and larger mass.
Only when it took the form of a water dragon did it stop growing.

The blue-haired adventurer now looked like a small water dragon made entirely of water.


Since he’s wrapped head to toe in that armor of water, my onions’ lachrymal agent and the sleeping powder would probably be blocked by it.

The spell seems specialized more for defense than offense.

But still, I didn’t even feel a drop of concern over how to deal with such a troublesome opponent.


“Well, plant monster. Are you awestruck by how beautiful and terrifying I am?”


Terrifying? Oh, not at all.

If anything, you look delicious…!


──Gulp.

My, what a wonderful body you have!

That armor of water… it’s practically begging me to drink as much as I want.


I’m a plant.
I’m a creature whose very purpose is to absorb water.


And you, imbued with the water of a water dragon, look like nothing more than a reservoir to me.

That mass of magical water… I have a feeling it must taste quite different from rainwater or moisture in the soil.
As a plant, there’s no way I can ignore drinking this.


From that moment on, I stopped seeing the blue-haired adventurer as an enemy.

To me, he was more like a self-serve drink station.


Let’s eat!

***

Author’s Note:

It seems the reason onions make you cry is due to allyl sulfide. When it’s released into the air from the onion, it irritates the eyes and nasal membranes, causing tears.

Next Time: The Water Dragon Armor Drink Station and the Forest Salad Bar


TL’s Note:

1. Flower arrangement (Ikebana) is the Japanese art of arranging flowers. The style usually features a minimalistic, asymmetrical style.